I've spent the last 16 years battling the fear, the stigma, the ass kicking and the Cancer loving toxicity of HIV. It sucked the life out of everything worth experiencing and the prospect of real sustainable bliss. I've had what some would call a spiritual awaking, epiphany or just simply a life altering reality change. I no longer live in the darkness of HIV but in the light of a joyful, deeply saturated bliss. And one thing is clear, I AIN'T GOIN BACK! Below is something I wrote as I realized enough was enough. I realized that the only thing I had planned for my future was, I made out a will and to make sure I had plenty of life insurance for my family. I also realized that wasn't a plan for the future but a plan for death. Buggin, is putting it mildly but she ain't tah buggin me no more!
Buggin Me
I see all that is tearing me down
It slips behind me and lays upon my neck
Playing in the back yard with a howl here and there
Discretely takes a drink from my joyful cup
He is my friend for he has a gift to give just me
Yet I’m not ready to come from the water now
No matter how cold I am and how warm it is there
Leave me to jump and splash and don’t point to the sun
For I don’t want to care about such things
Quit beating me down and taking my joy
I know your there no matter how much or little you tap
Bizz a bizz buzz I hear you and know you want blood
Cause me such angry frustration cause I know what’s to come
A night of itching and restlessness bang on my pillow
I’m looking at you now so don’t you dare look away
I’m going to be in your face don’t fuck with me now
I got things tah do and your buggin me and buggin them
Now sit your ass down and wait till I call you to come dry me off
D.Lynam 2-13-06
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